When Sass Arrives: Navigating New Attitudes in Your Autistic Child

By Nicole from Sensory Planet – mum of four, professional snack negotiator, and veteran of more breakfast-table eye-rolls than I can count.

Ah, childhood. One day they’re asking you to tuck them in with three stuffed animals and a blanket fort. The next? They’ve discovered the art of the huff, a world-class eye-roll, or the “Actually, Mum…” statement that makes you wonder if a tiny lawyer is hiding in your kitchen.

If your autistic child is moving into a new attitude phase—whether that’s sassy, stubborn, or suddenly too cool for family singalongs—you’re not alone. Neurodivergent kids hit attitude milestones just like their neurotypical siblings, only sometimes with a bit more… flair.
Here’s how to keep your cool (and your sense of humour) while keeping things fair.

1. Lead With Equality—But Add Clarity

It’s tempting to over-explain or tiptoe because your child is autistic. But one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids is the message: “The rules are the same for everyone; we’ll just find a way you can understand them best.”

Try this:

• Use “first–then” statements. “First we put the iPad away, then we can go outside.”

• Visual supports still win. A quick doodle chart or picture card can make “respectful words only” more concrete than a five-minute lecture.

Think of it as delivering the same law, just in a language that works for their brain.

2. Translate Big Feelings Into Their Dialect

Attitude is often a storm cloud with feelings stuffed inside. Instead of matching their thunderclap with your own, try curiosity.

• “It sounds like you’re frustrated because the plan changed.”

• “Are you feeling tired or worried?”

Sometimes it’s not defiance; it’s overwhelm in a sparkly disguise.

3. Pick Your Hills to Die On (Hint: Not the Shoes)

If they want to wear dinosaur pyjamas to the grocery store or insist their sandwich be exactly six triangles—ask yourself: is this a safety or respect issue, or just a quirky preference?
Save your energy for the moments that matter, like kindness, safety, and the occasional “don’t lick the shopping trolley” rule.

4. Use Calm Consequences, Not Power Plays

Keep consequences consistent across all kids, but stay calm and predictable.

• Natural consequences are gold: “If we shout at each other, it takes longer to get to the park.”

• Short and sweet explanations win over lectures. Their brain processes simple cause-effect better than a TED talk.

5. Sprinkle in Laughter (It’s Your Secret Weapon)

Humour can break the tension like magic. A silly voice or playful “sass dance” sometimes works better than a stern face.
Example from my house: I once answered an epic eye-roll with a dramatic slow-motion one of my own. We both burst out laughing and reset without a single time-out.

6. Remember: Growth Spurts Aren’t Just Physical

An “attitude growth spurt” is proof of maturing brains. They’re testing independence, discovering opinions, and sometimes making a mess of it.
That’s development at work, not bad parenting. Pat yourself on the back—you’ve helped them feel safe enough to experiment.

Final Encouragement

Attitude phases aren’t forever (even if it feels like a long season of reality TV).
By staying consistent, adding a sprinkle of humour, and tailoring communication to their sensory and processing needs, you’re raising a resilient kid who knows the family rules—and knows they are loved.

So the next time you get the epic sigh or dramatic door close, just remember: you’re not just managing attitude, you’re guiding growth. And possibly training the next champion of the Olympic Eye-Roll team.

Your Story

What’s the most memorable “attitude moment” in your house? Share your funny story or your go-to reset strategy in the comments below—we’d love to hear how you keep calm (or laugh loud) when the sass arrives.