When Calm Looks Different: Understanding Miss 6’s World

🌧️ When Calm Looks Different: Understanding Regulation, Not “Naughtiness”

The last few days here in SEQ have been nothing short of wild — rain pouring down nonstop, puddles everywhere, and the kind of weather that makes most parents groan.

But for Miss 6, my autistic daughter, it’s heaven.

Yesterday, she’d only been at school for a couple of hours when I got the call to pick her up.
She had refused to come in from the rain, too busy splashing, laughing, and playing in a puddle.

To her, that puddle wasn’t “defiance.” It was calm. It was regulation. It was joy.

When Miss 6’s wet, she doesn’t like wearing damp clothes — to be fair, who does?
So, once she’s finished playing, she’ll usually strip off wherever she is. That’s why I make sure she always has a spare set of clothes in her bag.

She has no self-awareness yet — she’s just being herself. And honestly, when I missed a meeting to pick her up, I wasn’t upset. She was still wearing her wet clothes, still playing, and still happy. For me, that was fine. She was doing what she loves, what soothes her, and what harms no one.

When we got home, she went straight outside again — right back to the puddle.
She stayed within eyesight, splashing and giggling in the rain, completely in her element.

I know some people might think I’m being too lenient, or that she’ll “get sick.”
But I also know the meltdown that would come if I forced her to stop doing what helps her regulate. And why would I? She’s safe, she’s calm, and she’s learning her boundaries in her own way.

When she was finished, she came inside, and I ran her a warm bath — the icing on the cake. She played with her toys, got clean and cozy, then snuggled up to watch a movie while I went back to work.

I’m not a bad mum.
I’m a mum who understands that calm doesn’t always look like sitting still.
Sometimes, it looks like rain-soaked curls, muddy hands, and a child completely lost in a sensory world that helps her feel safe.

Miss 6 is verbal — she can communicate what she needs most of the time — but when she’s overwhelmed, the words just don’t come. That’s when she turns to water, her happy place.

So when I get messages saying she’s “not listening” or warnings that she might need to be picked up, it stings. Because she’s not being naughty — she’s trying to regulate. Her brain is still working things out, and she needs time.

She shouldn’t be punished for that.
She shouldn’t be made to feel like an inconvenience.

Recently, she told me, “My teacher doesn’t like me.”
For Miss 6 to say that is huge — it means she’s trying to be heard, and somewhere along the line, she’s not being listened to.

That’s what I want people to understand — not just for her, but for all children like her.

Regulation isn’t rebellion.
And calm doesn’t always look like stillness.

Sometimes, calm looks like a child in a puddle — finding peace in the rhythm of the rain. 💧

Written by Nicole Findlater
Mum, advocate, and founder of Sensory Planet 🌈