🏫 When the School Isn't the Right Fit: What to Do When Your Neurodivergent Child Isn’t Supported

🏫 When the School Isn't the Right Fit: What to Do When Your Neurodivergent Child Isn’t Supported

For many parents of neurodivergent children, sending your child to school is not as simple as ticking a box and packing a lunch. It’s an emotional rollercoaster of meetings, IEPs, therapy reports, anxious mornings, and teary afternoons. And sometimes, no matter how hard you advocate, the school just isn’t the right fit.

That’s the place I’ve found myself in — not once, but twice. Both of my daughters are neurodivergent. Miss 6 is autistic, and Miss 5 is walking the wiggly, twisty road of ADHD diagnosis. And yet, the school they’re currently at? They’ve pretty much put both girls in the too hard basket.

It’s disheartening, frustrating, and — if I’m being honest — it’s lit a fire under me.

So what do you do when your child’s school stops seeing them?

Here’s what I’ve learned, and what I hope helps another parent out there feeling alone and defeated.

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🚩 1. Recognise the Red Flags

If your child’s current school…

• Constantly calls you to “collect them early”

• Labels them as “naughty” instead of curious, anxious, or overstimulated

• Refuses to adjust the curriculum or environment

• Suggests special school placement without trialing inclusive supports

• Talks at you instead of with you

…then it’s time to seriously evaluate if they’re the right fit. Some schools mean well but simply aren’t equipped. Others? Frankly, they give up too easily.

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💪 2. Trust Your Gut

You know your child better than anyone else.
If something feels off, or if your child is regressing — emotionally, socially, or even physically (hello, stomach aches and school refusal) — don’t ignore it.

Your child deserves to feel safe, understood, and supported at school. Bare minimum.

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📝 3. Document Everything

Emails. Phone calls. Incident reports. IEP meetings. Take notes and keep a folder (physical or digital) with every interaction.

If things escalate and you need to seek support from advocates, the Department of Education, or legal services, your paper trail becomes your biggest asset.

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🧠 4. Know That Special Schools Aren’t Your Only Option

Some schools will try to push children like mine into special schools — not because they truly believe it’s best, but because they don’t have the resources (or willingness) to adapt.

And here’s the thing: special schools can be wonderful for some kids. But for many others, including Miss 6, they might not meet emotional or educational needs at all.

There are inclusive alternatives.

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🌿 5. Dream Bigger: Schools That See the Whole Child

There are schools out there that truly see neurodivergent kids for who they are — not just the challenges, but the creativity, empathy, curiosity, and spark.

Some families turn to private or alternative schools like Steiner or Montessori options. I’ve got my eye on Samford Valley Steiner School — a place where creativity, connection, and community are part of the curriculum. A school where being barefoot, curious, and unique isn’t seen as disruptive — it’s celebrated.

But let’s be honest — not every family can afford private school fees. Some of these schools are costly, and that’s just not doable for everyone. Still, it’s worth researching what’s available in your area. Some alternative schools offer scholarships or flexible payment plans. Others are low-fee or even public schools with a strong inclusive culture.

It’s not about the fanciest school — it’s about the right one. The one where your child is seen, heard, and supported to thrive.

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🤝 6. Seek Support and Speak Up

Talk to other parents. Reach out to advocacy groups. Call the Department. You are not alone — though it can feel like it when the school shuts its doors (or its heart).

There are incredible support systems out there — sometimes you just have to yell a little louder to find them.

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💛 7. You’re Not Failing. You’re Fighting.

This isn’t easy. Parenting neurodivergent children while navigating a school system that wasn’t built with them in mind? It's exhausting.
But you’re not failing. You're fighting — for dignity, respect, and a future where your child can thrive.

And that makes you unstoppable.

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Final Thoughts

If your child’s school is making you feel like you’re the problem, please know:
You’re not. You’re a parent doing everything in your power to help your child succeed in a system that often doesn’t know what to do with brilliance that doesn’t fit the box.

So keep dreaming of a better fit — whether that’s a Steiner school in the countryside, a public school with inclusive values, or a flexible learning model that works for your family.

Your child deserves it.

And so do you.